Review by The Sleazegrinder

The appropriately named Red Hot are gloriously seedy purveyors of low budget spanking videos (I wonder what a big budget spanking video would look like?), who administer open-palmed justice on wayward strippers until their asses look dodge balls. Number 12 drops us right into the middle of their relentless wage of rampant butt-abuse, and features three chicks that probably deserve their lashings. Roxi is up first. Her stringy orange perm might be her crime, I dunno. She humps the wall for awhile, doing the roadside stripper bump n' grind to a casio soundtrack that's rife with Hanna Barbera anvil dropping sound effects. You've got to hear this to believe it- disco bossa nova beats shamelessly mixed with mallet bonking and the resultant tweeting birds. Amazing. Anyway, some guy in a striped shirt and gray khakis puts her over his lap, and without any explanation, starts beating her ass. She screams the entire way through. It sounds like the torture scene in a slasher movie, just an endless stream of screeching profanity. "Let me go, you fuckin' bastard! Motherfucker, you're hurting me!" Mr. Striped shirt pays no attention to her protests, grimly whacking her cheeks until it looks like smoke is gonna start rising off of them, with Roxi squirming and wiggling all the while. After about ten minutes of this, his hand gets tired, and he unceremoniously drops her to the floor. Cue the Scooby Doo slipping on a banana peel sample. Classic.

Next up is Hillary. Tall, blonde, and feisty, she looks like one of those chicks that Dracula always keeps around. She stubs her cigarette out on a no-smoking sign on the door of a motel room, and steps inside. There's a low-rent porno producer waiting for her inside. He gives her a half-rotten banana to suck on. She fellates it for a minute or two, gets fed up with the idiocy of it all, and tosses the offending bruised fruit at the guy. It bounces off his belly, and she locks herself in the bathroom, demanding more money while she draws a bath. Which seems awfully cocky of her. After pleading with her to come out and shoot her scene, porn producer is forced to call his boss, who sounds like Mr. Spacely on the phone. Boss-man storms out of his house, gets in his SUV, and tears ass to the hotel, puffing a stogie and blaring Beethoven. When he gets there, all hell breaks loose. "Oh no, not you!" Hillary yelps. "You better not spank me again! Last time I couldn't sit down for 4 days!" Anytime a sentence starts with "You better not spank me again", whether it's in a Red Hot video or in a serial killer's basement or in a crazed grammar school teacher's classroom, you just know whoever said it is gonna get spanked again. Suddenly, Hillary's over his knee. "I'm gonna call the cops!" She yells between ass-slaps. "I'm gonna fuckin' have you arrested!" Yeah, well, Mr. Spacely ain't afraid of no cops. Hillary gets spanked into submission, and she finally relents, masturbating with the banana like she was supposed to in the first place, even as she still lies on his lap, sniffling. She can't resist asking for more money, tho, so he spanks her some more. He finally lets her up, and she runs to the bathroom to ice down her throbbing ass. While she's in there, she notices an empty beer bottle and grabs it, rushing back into the room, and attempts to clobber boss-man in the head with it. She's thwarted, however, and Goddamnit if he doesn't put her over his knee again. After another furious rain of blows, he leaves her lying on the floor. As he drains his beer, he slaps a ten-dollar bill on her lobstery ass, and splits.

Then there's Aerial. She thinks she's there to model lingerie. Aerial's got another thing coming. Her little show gets cut off mid-negligee, as The-Man-Who-Spanks grabs her up and ripens her apple-shaped butt for her. Aerial may be crazier than a sack of weasels, because she appears to be laughing through the entire ordeal. There is also a smattering of insert shots of a banana with a happy face painted on it, just to add to the delirium. Goddamn.

The cats behind (ahem) Red Hot Video are obviously unhinged. Me too. This tape is the definition of Bad Fun, and sleaze hounds will love it. Wives and girlfriends, on the other hand, will surely rue the day it ever showed up, since every idea it can possibly give you is a bad one. For them, I mean.

-Sleazegrinder

www.sleazegrinder.com

History will prove us right.

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Look out for more Sleazegrinder in the pages of Hitlist, Carbon 14, Boston's Weekly Dig, New York Waste, Mic Stand Monthly, The Noise, Head Press, Stance, and Maximum Rock and roll!